I was recently asked this question: “How do you deal with anger at an unexpected loss?” While I do not know the specifics of this question, here are some tips. Please understand that there is not a ‘one size solution’ for everyone. Take what resonates and leave behind the rest.
FEEL your anger. It wants a voice. It wants to be heard. It’s a voice inside of you that is saying, “I don’t feel safe,” and “help me feel safe.”
Pretending you are not angry, or the unexpected loss doesn’t really hurt, isn’t moving forward; it’s silencing the anger instead of giving it a voice. Unexpressed anger can get internalized and live within you for years.
Unexpected loss creates a feeling of powerlessness and lack of control. As you begin to feel your anger, you also begin to regain your control and power.
Express your anger in a safe manner that feels comfortable to you:
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B R E A T H E: When we are angry, we often constrict our breathing. Take some long, deep breaths to give your heart and brain the oxygen it needs to help calm your hurting heart.
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Create a mantra. I choose peace now. I deserve peace now. I am safe. I am LOVED.
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Ask yourself some questions? Is there a way I can see this situation from a different perspective? What can I learn from this to bring more peace to my life? Will this experience impact my life in a month, six months, a year from now? These questions also get the anger out of your body and help you find your center.
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Write down your angry feelings, and that includes if you are angry at someone for dying. Writing it down gets it out of your body. Write, write, write, and then burn it or shred it.
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Be in a safe place to yell as loudly as you need to yell. Cry the guttural cries that are within you due to this unexpected loss. This process also gets it out of your body.
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Hit a pillow as you yell or cry. Again, it’s about getting the anger out of your body.
Once you have done any of these release exercises, do something kind for yourself to fill up that space of anger with LOVE and calm.
Please know that releasing anger isn’t a one-time fix. When anger visits again, returning to the above tools to help you lessen the hold that anger is trying to have over you.
Make sure to wrap yourself up in a hug. Squeeze yourself tightly as a reminder that LOVE is what is within you, and it is what surrounds you. Your anger wants to feel LOVED.
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